We've been in GOSH for the last nine nights and Barnet hospital for a night before that.
Most of you will already know but Shani's heart has weakened again since last month and the doctors don't know how to stop it from weakening even further - in fact they don't think that she'll last for a lot longer.
Dr D told us this last Thursday after a committee of top consultants and surgeons at GOSH had discussed Little S that morning. They concluded that it was unlikely that they could determine the cause of the heart failure (although they would try), let alone fix it, and that neither a heart nor a heart-lung transplant were viable due to the complicated structure of Little S's arteries - they wouldn't be able to connect everything up properly.
On hearing this J and I were knocked for six - we were unable to do anything apart from cry and stare blankly for the next hour or so. Suddenly we were told that our gorgeous girl who has been, miraculously, fighting to stay alive for the last two years was not going to make it.
When? We don't know.
Unless either she pulls off another miracle and manages to find a way to stop her heart failure and get things back to how they were a month ago, or someone else in the world has a way to save her that has eluded both GOSH and the Evelina hospital (we got a second opinion from there from Dr E who agrees, reluctantly, with GOSH).
Unlikely maybe, but we don't stop hoping and praying whilst there is still a possibility.
Never give up - that's what my rabbi told me today.
So we'll be here at least until the middle of next week (they think we will be able to go home by then but that won't change the bleak outlook for the longer term) which means a second Shabbat is looming.
Keep us in your thoughts and prayers - the incredible love of so many of our friends and family, and people that we don't even know, is what has been keeping us going.
Shabbat Shalom.
Shabbat Shalom.
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