Sunday 21 June 2020
Today was a tough Father's Day.I had a dream about Shani last night.
I was driving a van on my way to an outdoor swim with a friend who for some reason was sitting in the back.
I turned round to talk to him and Shani was there as well.
It's a rare occasion that I dream about Shani and rarer still that we actually chat.
She looked like she had just got over chicken pox and for some reason she thought my mate's name was Lawrence (it wasn't).
It was lovely dream - I even had a chance for a hug.
But then I woke up and the realisation flooded in that all was an illusion.
And yet, there is something comforting in knowing that it's still possible to create new memories of Shani, even if they didn't happen in reality.
She's still there somehow, in my mind and in my dreams.
Of course, any comfort from dreaming of Shani is then replaced by new loss and grief as I realise that it's just a dream-hug, rather than the real thing, this Father's Day.
It's a rare occasion that I dream about Shani and rarer still that we actually chat.
She looked like she had just got over chicken pox and for some reason she thought my mate's name was Lawrence (it wasn't).
It was lovely dream - I even had a chance for a hug.
But then I woke up and the realisation flooded in that all was an illusion.
And yet, there is something comforting in knowing that it's still possible to create new memories of Shani, even if they didn't happen in reality.
She's still there somehow, in my mind and in my dreams.
Of course, any comfort from dreaming of Shani is then replaced by new loss and grief as I realise that it's just a dream-hug, rather than the real thing, this Father's Day.
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