Scared but hopeful

I don’t mind admitting that I’m scared, bloody scared. It kind of helps to admit it to somebody else or even to write it in this blog – it somehow becomes less frightening – a trouble shared really can be a trouble halved.

But however many times I talk to people I am still left with an immovable dread – it’s not the same as worrying that something bad is going to happen – I know that there is no point worrying about things that I can’t do anything about – but there is something that remains that knows that Little S is will be going through a dangerous event, a risky operation, one where all precautions will have been taken by the best surgeons in the country and yet one where the outcome is uncertain and possibly bad.

How can we do this to our little girl?

Yet there is also hope.

Hope that Little S will not just survive but be fixed (at least partly) so that she can move towards a normal life. In fact, even though she has a ridiculously screwed up system of arteries and her lungs are being powered by blood that should be going to her arm and heart, even with this mess to clear up, by far the most likely outcome is that the operation will be a success.

That has to give us hope.